*delete* I hit the button twice just to make sure. I sat cross-legged at my kitchen table with the smell of a macintosh candle masking the scent of old trash and deleted my entire etsy shop.
Victory mixed with panic swept over me, like in any good decision. Finally I didn’t feel chained to being a constant production factory of knitted goods, but what if my next big business plan failed? Or what if it isn’t my life’s work? I pushed my chair away from the table and started washing dishes. The world could be ending and I would try to solve it by having a clean kitchen. At least I would die with clean plates.
So now I sit here three days later a little more confident in my decision and have a little insight to share. Hitting the reset button is scary, despite the frustrations/anger/bore with what you had been previously doing. Have you ever reset your computer when it was frozen and you weren’t sure if you saved or not? Maybe that’s a 90s baby thing, as autosave is pretty much the norm now. But what if it wasn’t?!
I was so burnt out from making things constantly, but I continued to do it out of fear. “If I jump from this ledge to the next, can it support my weight?” The hardest thing for my brain to grapple with is the ‘I don’t know’ in situations. We never really know if the next ledge can hold us and we don’t even know if where we stand now is solid.
I was with a friend asking her “which do you think is the right decision?” and she smiled and said “maybe there isn’t a right or wrong, just different.” It sounded like such a therapist expression! I scoffed then, but now I think I may get it. Sometimes when two decisions seem equal, it isn’t about what decision is the best because they are on a level playing field. No spreadsheet or pro/con list can save you, it is a win-win and you need to choose your next adventure. Flip a coin and get moving.
So for me, I could stay where I was crafting until my hands hurt, or I could pivot into a different creative role. So I chose to take the second option, and that’s why I am on your screen right now. I choose to be happy and that means creating via writing right now. I challenge you to find your happy and share it with me in the comments.
Today’s mantra: I choose the choice that makes me happiest OR I choose to be happy in my current choice without FOMO .